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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26064274">this is me trying</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/chrrymoons/pseuds/chrrymoons'>chrrymoons</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Blue Lock (Manga)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, How Do I Tag, Insecurity, Love Confessions, M/M, Pining, Reconciliation, brief mention of other bllk characters but thats about it, isagi nice guy, like a big chunk of it is like a narration of the manga, please protect nagireo, they are adorable, theyre kind of idiots here in their own way, title is from folklore, very much canon compliant idk</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 11:48:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,138</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26064274</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/chrrymoons/pseuds/chrrymoons</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>mikage reo was trying. he was trying and that is what he wanted nagi seishirou to know.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Mikage Reo &amp; Seishirou Nagi, Mikage Reo/Seishirou Nagi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>this is me trying</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this idea literally just came out of nowhere. i was heavily inspired by taylor swift's song "this is me trying" and just went along with what i have in mind. though i just went with the concept, not based on the actual lyrics. ++ if you read blue lock, you'd know that a looot of it are scenes from the manga. anyways yea idk enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>mikage reo was trying. he was trying and that is what he wanted nagi seishirou to know.</p><p> </p><p>ever since their unprecedented conflict, reo knew that was nothing less than a silly fight. or maybe it was.</p><p> </p><p>maybe if people had a gist of what happened, they’d probably think reo was just being overly dramatic. and if they happen to come across reo’s thoughts, they’d also think he’s selfish.</p><p> </p><p>reo guesses he is. reo thinks he really is being overly dramatic and selfish.</p><p> </p><p>they were in blue lock. a place where only one aspiring striker will reign as the strongest among all. they were kept in that facility under the toughest of competitions, aware with the upshots that come with it. a lot of young high schoolers were already stripped out of their dreams to become professional soccer players. without any merits or second chances, they were eliminated as if they didn’t even exist in the threshold of blue lock.  </p><p> </p><p>the harsh reality they were faced head on (even if they refuse to admit that to themselves) was that even if they do form friendships, they will most likely end up using each other in order to reach their goals. after all, only one of them will win.</p><p> </p><p>but reo knew that wasn’t the case for him. of course, reo wanted to get better, wanted to be stronger. but he wanted to achieve all that alongside nagi.</p><p> </p><p>for the record, reo doesn’t care about anyone in that place. to him, they are just a bunch of spineless folks who aren’t any better. he only has his eyes on nagi.</p><p> </p><p>all his life, he was conveniently granted with the things he could have. even with all these, he didn’t know what is it that he really desired for himself. his daily life didn’t give him anything to look forward to and cherish. for him, his life was disgustingly tepid.</p><p> </p><p>from then on, he swore to search something to yearn for. and that will be his gem.</p><p> </p><p>and as if reminiscing that pursuit of his, he finally, <em>finally </em>came across something that stimulated that monotonous life of his.</p><p> </p><p>a flash of gold and celebration casted back in his vision, the sound of victory reverberating from his sense of hearing. from the television in front of him was a giant trophy held by a winning team from the world cup. suddenly, what he truly yearned for was clear to him in a quick snap of fingers.</p><p> </p><p>“i want to win the world cup.”, is what he voiced out. it was his pledge to himself and the world he will be conquering.</p><p> </p><p>“no. we have already planned a bright future just for you. give it up.” reo was confused. his parents taught him the ideals of getting what he wanted. what is hindering them from being supportive, especially knowing the fact that this is the first time their dearest son came upon what he wanted for himself?</p><p> </p><p>reo then realized that these people will be no help to him. he can’t let his growing desire go.  </p><p> </p><p>but this is not a conflicting scenario for mikage reo. rather, he was left with more determination. he has a plan and he will make it work. that’s for sure.</p><p> </p><p>as he was embarking on a journey he destined for himself, he didn’t know if this certain boy with ash gray hair and eyes with hues of blue and green would bring him good luck.</p><p> </p><p>this was laid out in confirmation when he happened to witness this certain boy show such amazing abilities in the field of no other than soccer, where his dream was hanging on.</p><p> </p><p>“woah, you’re so good! how did you do that? are you a part of the soccer team? do you wanna play soccer with me?!” reo almost had a shit-eating grin while telling all these to the boy who obviously didn’t harbor mutual enthusiasm in their interaction.</p><p> </p><p>instead of answering reo, the boy stared at him blankly and went “oh, the boy with a rich family. hand me some money.”, then stretched out his hand to the caught off guard reo.</p><p> </p><p>recognizing that reo was too baffled to utter a response, the boy went on to fix his vision on his phone and play again.</p><p> </p><p>“no, i’m not a part of the soccer team, nor any other sport to begin with. i don’t want hassles. now, can you just give me money.” that surely didn’t sound a question, but a demand.</p><p> </p><p>reo couldn’t speak not because he thought the boy was absurd. in fact, he hasn’t even moved on with had he witnessed from the boy earlier.</p><p> </p><p>then, it’s decided.</p><p> </p><p>reo finally chuckled, evoking a “why are you laughing?” look from the boy.</p><p> </p><p>“let’s play soccer! together, we can be the best in the world if we work hard!” reo said. he had to be straightforward. he still has a long way to go. he can’t waste time.</p><p> </p><p>the boy just went back to playing his phone, disinterest clear on his face. “tch, work hard? if that’s needed, then i’ll probably just be annoyed.” the boy yawned. “i don’t like putting in effort onto anything.” he continued on.</p><p> </p><p>what? is he kidding right now?! that talent of his has so much potential! what a waste to not strengthen it even more!</p><p> </p><p>and in the briefest of moment, his father’s words flashed at the back of his mind. “only the people who are chosen by soccer are the ones who can have a living out of it.”</p><p> </p><p>it had to be this boy..... this boy was definitely someone chosen by soccer. i’ll make him realize that. i’ll make him mine. he will be my gem!</p><p> </p><p>reo delightedly circled his arm around the boy’s shoulder. “that’s okay! you don’t need to work hard. just play soccer with me!”</p><p> </p><p>years into the companionship they built (in which reo was the one who very much eagerly came bustling in nagi’s space most of the time, if not 24/7), reo realized that nagi wasn’t just his gem anymore.</p><p> </p><p>yes, he is still a gem. but not <em>his gem.</em></p><p> </p><p>because nagi is someone who shines even on his own.</p><p> </p><p>now, he doesn’t want to keep nagi in his life just for the sake of his goals. nagi is too special to him, he can’t explain it into words.</p><p> </p><p>everyday, he gets overly excited to go to school just to see nagi.</p><p> </p><p>nagi doing the most mundane things is amusing for him. nagi who agrees to take part in reo’s crazy antics (he first says no for a million times) makes him feel special. nagi’s beautiful features and wondrous eyes captivate him like no other. nagi, who even with a personality so contrast to him, makes reo’s heart leap in joy.</p><p> </p><p>so who is nagi seishirou to mikage reo's life?</p><p> </p><p>“i like you, seishirou nagi.” reo murmured to himself that one night after he ended the call with nagi.</p><p> </p><p>and with that....the rest was history.</p><p> </p><p>mikage reo was trying. he was trying and that is what he wanted nagi seishirou to know.</p><p> </p><p>perhaps, reo was a fool for thinking that it’s impossible for nagi to change. all he thought of was that as long as he has nagi, everything will work out.</p><p> </p><p>but nagi had different plans. it was like a 360 degree turn from what he had in mind. what he thought <em>they </em>had in mind.</p><p> </p><p>reo thinks he’s naïve because even if <em>that</em> happened, he still didn’t expect that things would spiral down to a hefty situation.</p><p> </p><p>their first loss in blue lock with other players in team v, boiled some kind of pent up frustration in nagi. to say that reo was confused was an understatement. he was stunned because for the first time, nagi exuded a completely distinct aura. it was a nagi, too foreign for him to recognize.</p><p> </p><p>“so this is what it feels like to lose, reo? it’s frustrating.” nagi addressed him but his eyes were definitely directed to another person. and when his eyes followed where nagi was staring, who he saw was isagi yoichi.</p><p> </p><p>reo was aware that during the match, nagi was most of the time fighting head on with team v’s isagi. he was sure those weren’t coincidences. but reo didn’t know that all these were already augmenting a new mentality up in nagi’s head.</p><p> </p><p>“this frustration that i’m feeling....i’ve never felt this before. i wanna understand it, reo. i want to.....put some effort.” nagi blurted out softly, but loud enough to ring so many alarms in reo’s head.</p><p> </p><p>reo should be glad. he has to be. at long last, his best friend, the boy he loves so much, actually unbarred a new feeling and intention.</p><p> </p><p>but why does he feel the opposite?</p><p> </p><p>in one of their challenges wherein they had to be in teams of three, reo realized that the way he was feeling didn’t make sense up until now.</p><p> </p><p>“well then, isagi, i will join your team.” nagi said nonchalantly to bachira and isagi when the latter first refused nagi’s request to join his and reo’s team.</p><p> </p><p>reo didn’t know how nagi’s persistence came to be and it fueled bitterness inside him. he felt anxious, so anxious.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>he didn’t want nagi to leave him. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>and so when it finally came crushing down onto him that isagi accepted nagi in his team, he felt a strong sense of abandonment.</p><p> </p><p>perhaps, to others, they’re just picking out players which can benefit their respective teams. but god knows that there was an entirely different reason from the lone boy that is reo mikage.</p><p> </p><p>reo felt helpless, standing there, not really knowing what to say. but the voice he grew accustomed to spoke.</p><p> </p><p>“reo, i knew soccer because of you. we could be the best in the world, just like what you said before.” reo’s eyes widened in shock. he didn’t expect nagi to still remember what he told him before.</p><p> </p><p>“but we lost. we weren’t the strongest.” nagi said this while looking at nagi straight in the eye. then he continued on, “this is the first time i’m feeling such frustration. if i want to understand that, i need to play with isagi. i want to.....put some effort.”</p><p> </p><p>if reo was shocked at what nagi said before, then this was on another level. this time, something in him felt even more agonizing. this time, he felt like nagi was smoothing out of his grasp, intentionally getting away from him.</p><p> </p><p>reo thought that it’d be pathetic of him to question nagi, to be mad, to beg. so, he only had one resolution.</p><p> </p><p>“do whatever you want, nagi.” reo said, not even taking a glance at nagi. for it was too painful, he thought.</p><p> </p><p>“i’ll see you again, reo.” nagi said and went away, mind not having any contemplations over coming back to reo.</p><p> </p><p>it all makes sense now. at the back of reo’s head, this was a possibility he didn’t wanna entertain. and it happened. just like that.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>reo is losing the boy he’s been inlove with for so long. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>barely a week after that, with reo now in a different team, he vowed to take revenge on nagi.</p><p> </p><p>he made an affirmation to himself to be better, all of it to prove to nagi that he chose the wrong decision.</p><p> </p><p>never mind if this may seem childish to others, never mind if he chooses to be hateful. he knows he’s just bound to hurt himself even more by plotting a revenge on the boy he loves. but he wants nagi to know that he’s hurt, wants him to feel it.</p><p> </p><p>besides, no one knows about his dilemma, everyone too focused to become stronger and avoid elimination.</p><p> </p><p>the first time he went head on in a game with nagi and his new team, his bitterness amplified. in this game with them, he will carry on his resentment as a determination to win the game and show nagi what he missed. he will win. he knows his teammates, chigiri and kunigami, are also strong players. but even without them, he’ll prove to nagi that he is capable. that he is so much more.</p><p> </p><p>that he shouldn’t have left him.</p><p> </p><p>with his team winning, he will let nagi feel the same devastation by choosing another person on his team.</p><p> </p><p>mikage reo will unlock a new fear from nagi seishirou, and that is abandonment.</p><p> </p><p>but the tides just weren’t on reo’s favor. it was never on his side in the first place. it was on isagi’s, the boy who nagi has chosen; the boy who changed nagi.</p><p> </p><p>how could that boy just easily sway nagi like that? and without even trying? it was all too ludicrous for reo.</p><p> </p><p>nagi was his only <em>real </em>friend. he was the person who single-handedly erased the dullness in his life, and without any attempt to do it. but he’s slipping away, he’s getting even farther away..... he’s-</p><p> </p><p>“chigiri, we want you to be a part of our team.” isagi’s voice echoed at the field. right, they were the winning team. reo forgot all these because he was too invested on proving himself to nagi. he chuckled. “how pathetic.”, he whispered to himself with eyes fixed on the ground.</p><p> </p><p>“reo.” a voice, too close from him rang in his eardrums. he looked up and saw that it was nagi, the boy he hates (the boy he loves so much).</p><p> </p><p>reo misses nagi so much. his resolve was weak, too weak, he thinks. because at that moment, he just wanted to envelope nagi into a bone-crushing hug.</p><p> </p><p>but of course, he didn’t. he can’t.</p><p> </p><p>his resentment is definitely bigger than him.</p><p> </p><p>it probably isn’t bigger than his love for the boy but this is reo’s ego that is talking here. and it’s saying that it wants him to continue on begrudging nagi.</p><p> </p><p>after all, being in blue lock is all about reinforcing the ego.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>i’m sorry, nagi. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“you were amazing out there, reo! that game was a tough fight, indeed.” nagi said, not aware of the screaming thoughts inside reo’s head.</p><p> </p><p>reo was still silent, preparing himself for what’s to come.</p><p>
  
</p><p>“uh, you know that last play, i wouldn’t be able to push myself that hard if it weren’t for you....and reo, we can still-“</p><p> </p><p>“cut the crap, nagi. i didn’t ask you to console me.” reo looked at the boy he loves the most, desperately clinging on to the resentment he’s built. “the moment you chose isagi’s team, you also forgot our promise to be the best in the world together. just leave me alone.”</p><p> </p><p>that’s it. <em>i’ve finally said it</em>, is what reo thought.</p><p> </p><p>but what nagi then said was what shocked him, clueless as to how he would respond.</p><p> </p><p>“you were the one who forgot the promise, reo. if i chose you, even if it doesn’t feel exciting; even if i know i’d still be the same as before who won’t even bother to put some effort, do you think I could be the best in the world with you? it’s not that simple.” nagi spoke, steel leaning heavy in his voice.</p><p> </p><p>“i’m done, reo. i don’t care anymore.”</p><p> </p><p>and with that, nagi walked away, without a single glance to ever come reo’s way again.</p><p> </p><p>to say that his ego was still speaking for him at this point was false. because the moment he was on the ground, a bounty of tears falling without permission, he knew the reo who was there was the heartbroken and hopeless reo.</p><p> </p><p>nagi wasn’t slipping out of his grasp.</p><p> </p><p>he was simply out of his grasp now.</p><p> </p><p>it’s been about 2 weeks since that very day that crushed reo’s heart into pieces. he hasn’t spoken to nagi at all. why should he? all of it was his fault. in a way, this was also his punishment for his stupidity.</p><p> </p><p>the previous’ happenings made way yet again for more players to be eliminated. he was still there, and more importantly, nagi was. that’s what matters.</p><p> </p><p>the new week started with the blue lock strikers with a whole day of various training sessions again and finally, after a long day full of it, night time gave way for them to rest properly. reo, who wasn’t any tired just yet, chose to be alone in the dining hall. he had no friends, anyways. of course, he’d be alone.</p><p> </p><p>“what are you doing here by yourself?” a voice came from behind him, flustering reo.</p><p> </p><p>well, of course it had to be the guy who was the reason of it all.</p><p> </p><p>“the fuck, isagi! can you not startle me like that?” reo said, voice weaved with so much irritation.</p><p> </p><p>“oh, well. sorry about that.” isagi said while pulling the chair besides reo.</p><p> </p><p>“what makes you think you could be here and sit beside me?” reo just knows he said that with so much animosity.</p><p> </p><p>“as far as i know, the blue lock dining hall isn’t your property, reo.” isagi said comfortably.</p><p> </p><p>honestly, reo just wasn’t in the mood to argue, nor to even talk with anyone, so he just let isagi be.</p><p> </p><p>this is definitely torture, reo thinks. no matter how hopeless he is, he still doesn’t wanna throw his friendship with nagi. how could he? he wants to make it up. but obviously, he can’t think of ways to do that when someone as distracting and as  annoying as isagi is with him.</p><p> </p><p>“tch. prick.” reo mentioned out of nowhere, hoping to get isagi the message that he wants to be left alone.</p><p> </p><p>instead, isagi probably had a different motive in mind, and that is to press reo’s button.</p><p> </p><p>“hey, how do you plan to settle things with nagi?” he said it so quickly. it wasn’t even said in a mocking tone but it infuriated reo so much. how dare he meddle with him and nagi’s business? fucking scumbag.</p><p> </p><p>reo literally just wanted to punch isagi in the face and tell him how he ruined everything but no, that just won’t cut. besides, he doesn’t have the energy.</p><p> </p><p>“it’s none of your business.” reo said, voice thin like ice.</p><p> </p><p>“you see, i don’t have to know the whole history of your relationship to know that nagi is someone very dear to you.” isagi said, not really planning to stop any minute now, even with reo throwing daggers at him.</p><p> </p><p>“can you fucking-“</p><p> </p><p>“just hear me out, reo.” isagi said with a look so serious, that reo had no choice but to listen (except that he actually wants to listen to what isagi has to say, but he won’t admit that).</p><p> </p><p>“i know that i’m meddling with your issue with nagi right now but, god, seeing you two acting like you don’t give a shit about each other, when in fact, you do, is literally a pain! so forgive me for doing this. but just know that i’m not sorry at all.”</p><p> </p><p>“can you just get straight to the point?” reo almost half-shouted, too impatient for isagi’s complaints.</p><p> </p><p>“okay, so here’s the thing. i can’t blame you for your actions towards nagi. but i’m not saying those were right, either-“</p><p> </p><p>“oi, isagi. you don’t know shit!” reo expressed. maybe giving isagi the chance to talk to him was a bad idea.</p><p> </p><p>“can you please just listen?” isagi said. “i promise you after i tell what i feel, i’ll leave you alone.”</p><p> </p><p>“....ugh. fine. just make it quick.”</p><p> </p><p>“so, yeah. it was obvious that you and nagi were really close. him wanting to join my team shocked me, so of course, it’d be the same to you. it probably left a bigger impact on your part. you felt like shit knowing that nagi left you just like that. honestly, i couldn’t understand it at first, either. but when i accidentally heard your conversation with nagi after our match, then I knew.</p><p> </p><p>reo’s eyes directed at isagi’s in an instant, forgetting that minutes ago, he was certain that he will continue on looking disinterested. fuck all that. he needs to know what isagi has to say now.</p><p> </p><p>“nagi wanted to try, reo. no, nagi <em>is </em>trying.” isagi looked up to him as if he had said the most conspicuous thing in the world.</p><p> </p><p>when isagi realized reo didn’t really know how to respond just yet, he heaved a heavy sigh and continued on again. “i’m sorry to break it to you, but you of all people, should’ve been the first one to realize the purpose of his actions. he wasn’t just exploring to understand himself; he was also doing it for you. he wanted to be stronger so he could be deserving of a spot besides you in becoming the best strikers in the world. cause that’s your promise to each other, right?</p><p> </p><p>reo thinks his mind is in a haze, too unable to process every single word that isagi just muttered.</p><p> </p><p>“come on, reo. you can’t let me do all the work by telling you all that. and you most definitely can’t let nagi be the only one trying.” isagi said while standing back up and fixing the chair beside him.</p><p> </p><p>nagi was trying for him.......he was putting effort for him. he didn’t forget their promise. nagi said that himself. what the fuck was so hard to understand?</p><p> </p><p>isagi beamed his eyes at reo. “you can try too, reo.” he offered a smile, a genuine one, then walked away.</p><p> </p><p>“t-thank you!” reo randomly blurted out. he was embarrassed as shit, but he’d like isagi to know that.</p><p> </p><p>“no problem~” isagi expressed in a sing-song tone while waving his right hand, back facing the other.</p><p> </p><p>after isagi left, reo spent probably an hour more just to be in deep thought of everything that happened ever since the day they separated ways and perhaps, even the years they shared before that.</p><p> </p><p>he thought of how selfish he was; of how he wanted to keep nagi only to himself when it shouldn’t be that way; of how he wanted so bad to get back on what nagi has done to him; of how he was so focused on the pain he was feeling, not really understanding that nagi could be hurting, too; of how even if he loves the boy so much, he was too prideful to negate his plots for a childish revenge.</p><p> </p><p>all this time, he was clouded by his seething resentment.</p><p> </p><p>he knew in himself that he was scared, so scared. truly, he got so used to him and nagi, together alone. he was content with that set-up. it’s not like nagi is susceptible to change. he should’ve known that. and he should’ve been supportive.</p><p> </p><p>but he wasn’t.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>because he was insecure.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>with his head on his hands sprawled on the table, he muttered, “god, reo, you are such a fool.” and at that same time heavy tears just came crashing.</p><p> </p><p>he let himself cry. he let himself delve in a vulnerable state.</p><p> </p><p>half an hour later, he was just sitting face to face with the empty chair infront of him, all his thoughts full of nagi, nagi, nagi. <em>nagi, the love of his life. </em></p><p> </p><p>he wants to do something.....do something, reo!</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“nagi wanted to try, reo. no, nagi is trying.” </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“you can try too, reo.” </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>as if on cue, reo remembered isagi’s words earlier and that just hit something in him even more.</p><p> </p><p>reo hates to accept it but isagi is right. he has to try. for himself.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>for nagi. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>reo quickly stood on his feet and looked at the clock on the wall at the empty dining hall. “i can’t let time pass even more. nagi, we still have to be the best strikers in the world.” reo said to himself. and he’d like nagi to hear the same, too.</p><p> </p><p>mikage reo will be trying. he will be trying and that is what he will let nagi seishirou know.</p><p> </p><p>of course, there had to be some red string of fate type of shit that’ll happen, reo supposes.</p><p> </p><p>because the moment he turned his way to the direction of their rooms, he spotted the boy he was adamant on fixing things with; the boy who he’s so, so sorry for; the boy he’d like to keep in his life forever; the boy being named</p><p> </p><p>“nagi.....” for what’s worth is the only thing reo had to say. but it was powerful enough for nagi to hear.... and for him to come closer.</p><p> </p><p>closer that they could have the chance to freely caress each other’s cheeks, only if they’d let themselves be.</p><p> </p><p>but, no. he had other plans tonight.</p><p>
  
</p><p>indeed, mikage reo was a man on a mission. and that is to settle this, once and for all.</p><p> </p><p>if it’s true that what reo saw from nagi’s eyes was relief, he’d like to assume that it really was.</p><p> </p><p>“reo! i was trying to, uh, look for you...you weren’t in the room yet and it was getting really late. and, uh, well, you’re here now..that’s good. i’ll go-“</p><p> </p><p>“nagi, let’s talk.” reo made sure that his voice dripped in ardor. he thought of this hard and he knows that this is what he should’ve done in the first place. plus, isagi taking him on a one-on-one talk definitely gave him a push. so, he owes him one for that.</p><p> </p><p>he’s so afraid, he feels like his heart would be ripped out of his chest, anytime. nagi won’t scowl at him, right?</p><p> </p><p>“okay, reo.” fuck, thank god.</p><p> </p><p>“let’s go to the monitoring room so that we won’t disturb anyone.” reo continued on and walked straight ahead. he prays to every deity out there that his uneasiness doesn’t become too apparent. he can’t just let nagi know that the way he called his name out just sent equal buzzing noises in his head. and even if nagi notices that, he hopes that he just won’t point it out or he’ll honestly lose it.</p><p> </p><p>they finally arrived at their destination. it was one of the many monitoring rooms kept intact so that the players can watch their previous matches in blue lock anytime. however, the two boys came here for a different reason.</p><p> </p><p>they sat in front of the large, flat screen television. since the room was only dimly lit, nagi suggested to turn on the tv to whatever match is going on so they could have more light in their area. “i’ll just mute it, so we can talk comfortably.” nagi said while pointing the remote control to the tv. when reo looked at it, he easily recognized that it was the game when they were rivals.</p><p> </p><p>nagi was definitely teasing him.</p><p> </p><p>reo scrunched his nose. “nagi, that’s literally a whole distraction!” he half-shouted, trying to sound furious, but noticeably failing. his cheeks kind of hurt from preventing himself to giggle.</p><p> </p><p>“you can smile.” nagi spoke all of a sudden.</p><p> </p><p>but of course, reo was quick to shrug those feelings off. <em>not yet. </em>nagi needs to know that he has matured, that he is capable of making it up to him.</p><p> </p><p>with a quick inhale and exhale, he finally looked at nagi straight in the eye.</p><p> </p><p>“nagi, i’m sorry. i am so sorry.” reo said in a shaky but clear voice.</p><p> </p><p>“reo, no-“</p><p> </p><p>“just let me finish first, nagi. i’ve been dying to talk to you and i just can’t let this moment pass...please.” reo asserted, practically begging.</p><p> </p><p>after a few seconds, nagi gave him a nod as a sign that he could go on.</p><p> </p><p>“okay...so, we’re both aware that this has been the longest time that we’ve endured a rough path. but i want to be firm enough to let you know that no, nagi.....i can’t lose you.” the last part definitely sounded softer, that was for sure. but reo didn’t have the time to mind all of that. he just wanted nagi to know.</p><p> </p><p>“ever since we met each other, you knew of my goals. and you went with it. i was so happy. that made me ecstatic because i found someone i can be with in achieving my dream. and as years passed, you became someone more than that. for the first time, i had a friend in you, a best friend. one day, i just had a realization that i didn’t only keep you for my own desire but it’s because i genuinely wanted to be with you.” reo smiled at that fond recollection.</p><p> </p><p>“but then my selfishness also spread like wildfire, i didn’t know how to stop it. i didn’t even know how to acknowledge it, more so. i was only able to have a grasp on it when worse came to worst.....when i realized i was losing you.”</p><p> </p><p>saying all that in front of nagi was even harder than reo thought. he felt embarrassed with himself. but he forced himself to continue.</p><p> </p><p>“but you know what’s funny? instead of facing my own toxic traits, i used them to be spiteful towards you. though, i was really hurt when you chose isagi’s team, not gonna lie. i didn’t understand what urged you to go that far. i felt like you isolated me to a box that i couldn’t possibly leave. i hated myself for being that dramatic. but at that time, all i could think of was that i was so hurt for being left so quickly.”</p><p> </p><p>he didn’t even realize he was already crying not until a delicate, warm, hand was put on top of his. he looked up to see that it was nagi concealing the same pain reflected in his eyes. nagi squeezed his hand, as an indication for him to take his time. that he won’t leave. not anymore.</p><p> </p><p>“and so the only thing i could think of was to let you experience the same thing and feel the same way. but as i carried on with my hatred, i didn’t even feel even one bit successful. i was only stretching the gap between us even further. when you told me you didn’t care anymore during the last match we had, i just know i fucked up and there’s no way we could go back to the way we were before. all because of my pride and my selfishness.”</p><p> </p><p>reo has already said so much but he’s not done yet. he’s still trying.</p><p> </p><p>“i let weeks pass without doing anything. and then isagi came to me.” reo chuckled. he can’t believe receiving an advice from isagi was his final hint to do something. “i realized the weight of what you told me about our promise. nagi.... i am so, so sorry. i didn’t even think of it that way. i was too troubled with the fact that you left me alone. i didn’t take your efforts seriously and only considered it as your way to break the promise we had. you were right. i was the one who forgot about it. nagi, i’m really sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>reo just can’t stop crying at this point. he was sure he was leaving tears on nagi’s hand. as he was about to pull it away from nagi’s, the next thing that happened was the least thing he expected.</p><p> </p><p>nagi held the hand he was about to pull from nagi’s touch even tighter, and dragged him into a hug. he put his other hand at reo’s back and rubbed small, soothing, circles onto it.</p><p> </p><p>physical contact with nagi isn’t something foreign to him, but this one hits way different than any other because not only is it the first time after so long, but it’s because nagi was the one who initiated it.</p><p> </p><p><em>i’ve never felt so safe, </em>reo thought. “<em>i don’t wanna let go.”</em></p><p> </p><p>“then don’t.” nagi murmured. reo didn’t even realized he said that out loud.</p><p> </p><p>“you don’t have to let go, reo. because i won’t. not now that i have you back. not ever.”  </p><p> </p><p>who was reo to refuse the love of his life?</p><p> </p><p>reo wanted to continue on with his apology but it seems that nagi was also resolute to do the same.</p><p> </p><p>“i understand now, reo. i can see that you’re trying. and that’s more than enough. isn’t that what you wanted me to know?” relief just gushed through every fiber of reo’s being, so grateful and so relieved for the response he received.</p><p> </p><p>when nagi pulled away, he made sure that his hands are clutched tightly onto reo’s. and the moment he spoke, the first thing he uttered was “i’m so sorry, reo. i really am.”</p><p> </p><p>it brimmed with so much genuineness and gentleness, reo had a hard time to breathe.</p><p> </p><p>“you met me as someone who hated hard work, someone who had no intention of putting any effort to literally anything. that’s just how i was. and you accepted me. i don’t care if you had other reasons that time. but i wanted you to know that i was happy you talked to me that day. i was happy to find something i found an interest in. together, we played soccer and nothing mattered anymore.”</p><p> </p><p>nagi paused for a while and then went on. “as we got closer, i also realized you were turning into someone more important to me. i must be so lucky to do something that i like and at the same time be with the person who made me like it. but i was getting afraid. i wanted to be better. but i hated putting effort. i thought, how could I make it up to you?”</p><p> </p><p>nagi suddenly turned his gaze at the television in front of them. “then we got into blue lock. with the matches we won together, i was too thrilled that I forgot about my current concern. so when we lost against isagi’s team, i got reminded of it again. it didn’t seem like it but the frustration i felt towards him made me excited because i felt like i was being pushed to change, a wake-up call of how i needed to exert effort. for me and for our promise.”</p><p> </p><p>nagi gently squeezed reo's hand and stared at him again. “however, my excitement was too much, i forgot about how you would feel. shit, reo. i felt so stupid for not even telling you. when i realized you got mad, i understood why but it was still terrible to think about it. reo, your feelings were valid. i completely understand why you did what you did. i also said some hurtful words toward you and i swear, i never wanted to punch myself so bad. i felt so awful.”</p><p> </p><p>“hey...” reo finally spoke up. his tears have finally dried. he was glad that nagi was also apologetic. with nagi who just explained his side, he feels much more at ease. he has nothing but appreciation and love for this boy in front of him. it’s like everything he poured onto being revengeful vanished.</p><p> </p><p>they are on the same page now. they can fix this. “it’s okay, nagi. we were both at fault and we’ve finally come in terms with it. i forgive you..... do you forgive me?” reo said, still being cautious, not wanting to break the eased tension they built.</p><p> </p><p>“yes. god, yes. and thank you. thank you for forgiving me.” reo smiled.</p><p> </p><p>mikage reo tried. he tried and he was able to let nagi seishirou know.</p><p> </p><p>what was once filled with tension is now finally devoid of any of that sort. all there was inside the room were two boys and a revived friendship.</p><p> </p><p>they didn’t know how much time has passed, but reo’s sure that it is already damn late. he was confused as to how the facilitators who were always doing their rounds haven’t caught up to them yet. oh, well. as long as they’re not getting scolded.</p><p> </p><p>both of them agreed that they were too filled with high spirits to even sleep. screw the early morning call time later, reo was more than happy to indulge himself in the presence of the boy he likes.</p><p> </p><p>reo assumes, maybe someday, what he’ll finally confess is how the other makes him feel; how to him, his adoration for the other was more than just being a bestfriend.</p><p> </p><p>one day, he presumes.</p><p> </p><p>or not?</p><p> </p><p>“i like you.” reo confidently said, interrupting whatever it was that he was conveying. since when did nagi become this boisterous, anyways?</p><p> </p><p>nagi, who was cut off and was taken by sheer astonishment, went blank; too puzzled as to what his bestfriend just exclaimed out of nowhere.</p><p> </p><p>“y-you what?” nagi was definitely sweating.</p><p> </p><p>reo let out a light chuckle. “i said I like you, nagi. do you want me to repeat that or-“</p><p> </p><p>“i like you, too!”</p><p> </p><p>what?</p><p> </p><p>“what the fuck did you just say?” nagi can’t be serious right now. reo’s heart was beating so fast. he definitely didn’t think this through!</p><p> </p><p>“i-I like you, too, reo! i like you a lot! i liked you for so long, you don’t even know....” nagi expressed, scratching his head at one point. a habit he’s been accustomed to whenever he’s feeling jumpy.</p><p> </p><p>“you like me?” reo said foolishly. no one can blame him! the one he liked for years just confessed. oh, my god. nagi likes him back?!</p><p> </p><p>“y-you just want me to say it again! stop it.” nagi lowered his head down while fidgeting his fingers. he’s so cute, reo could kiss him.</p><p> </p><p>“hey, nagi.” nagi’s pout was very much visible. can he get any cuter than this?! reo didn’t think it’s possible to like him more than this. how could he not, when nagi has never showed this side of him years into their friendship? reo is a fool inlove, that’s for sure.</p><p> </p><p>“nagiiii, look at me please!” reo tried to act all cute. the things he does for nagi, really.</p><p> </p><p>“what-“</p><p> </p><p>in one swift motion, reo leaned closer to nagi’s face and gave a peck on his lips. “i like you so much, nagi. can you say it back again, please?” reo was oozing with so much confidence, he doesn’t even know why. he doesn’t even wanna think about it.</p><p> </p><p>right now, he just wants to kiss nagi again, kiss him for real.</p><p> </p><p>nagi’s face was contorted into a frown. he was trying so hard, it was just amusing for reo. nagi wasn’t aware that his face was just adorned with a full bloom of red. even his ears were sprucd up  with it.</p><p> </p><p>oh, how lucky reo is to have nagi in his life. he didn’t know that they were pining for each other, it’s safe to say that they were both incredibly oblivious.</p><p> </p><p>“i like you, reo. i really, really, really like you.......are you happy now?” nagi pulled him out of his trance.</p><p> </p><p>reo beamed an exuberant smile at nagi. “very much.”</p><p> </p><p>“c-can you kiss me again?” nagi hesitantly asked.</p><p> </p><p>reo grinned so wide, he thought his cheeks might break. “i was gonna do that.”</p><p> </p><p>with that, reo brushed both of his palms into nagi’s rosy cheeks and slowly leaned in forward.</p><p> </p><p>reo can sense that nagi was stiff to the touch, but after a few seconds, he comfortably let himself get lost in the kiss.</p><p> </p><p>at first, their lips were simply linked. but for the first time, nagi made a bold move by brushing his lips softly to reo’s. it was gentle but enough to send tremors onto reo’s nerves. it went on for a while until they broke apart, foreheads remaining in physical contact. they both had wide grins on their faces and reo couldn’t think of anything better.</p><p> </p><p>reo propped his face again for another kiss and nagi was more than elated to comply.</p><p> </p><p>this time, it began with such intensity, as if pouring all the years of pining they had for each other in that one, electrifying kiss. it was sensational, so passionate and so full of love.</p><p> </p><p>reo and nagi like each other. their first kiss experience was with each other. reo couldn’t ask for more.</p><p> </p><p>it’s almost three a.m. when reo and nagi decided they should go back. they’d probably get a good beating once the facilitator sees them roaming around, but none of them really cared about it. reo just couldn’t find the time to worry over some kind of punishment they will most likely receive when he’s holding hands with the boy he’s inlove with. he’s a sap. deal with it.</p><p> </p><p>since they weren’t on teams anymore, they were back to their old set-up in which they shared the same room with some other players. luckily, their folded beds were also beside each other.</p><p> </p><p>“goodnight, nagi.” reo said as he gently kissed nagi’s forehead while the other snugly leaned in to the touch.</p><p> </p><p>“goodnight, reo.” nagi said in a whisper.</p><p> </p><p>that night, they slept with one of their hands clasped to the other, bodies facing each other, and hearts beating as one.</p><p> </p><p>reo thinks, with his eyes closed, <em>i’m glad that i tried. </em></p><p>
  
</p><p>the next morning, both of them were completely sleep-deprived. most of the players, if not everyone, had pointed out their mockingly visible eye bags. of course, who in their right minds would sleep at three a.m., knowing fully well that their call time is always six in the fucking morning? apparently, both of them.</p><p> </p><p>as they made their way to the dining hall, they were met by the sight of isagi, who, judging from his look, was aware that they already reconciled. but of course, that’s the only thing he knows.</p><p> </p><p>“both of you say thank you, isagi!” isagi said while approaching them. “you do know i was the reason why there were no facilitators who scolded you, right?</p><p> </p><p>“i had a hunch.” nagi said. reo was too shy to admit that he was soaring on cloud nine to even care.</p><p> </p><p>isagi grinned. “well, go on, eat your breakfast, love birds. can’t attend the training session today without energy!” he moved along while happily whistling.</p><p> </p><p>reo and nagi were taken aback. isagi knows?</p><p> </p><p>“hey, you know about it?” “how?” the two chimed in response.</p><p> </p><p>isagi turned his head to their direction. “using my spatial awareness.” he winked.</p><p> </p><p>oh, he’s so annoying. he should be thankful he was the one who helped reo. or he’d probably be on the ground by now.</p><p> </p><p>“tch. well, that shouldn’t have been much of a surprise.” nagi muttered.</p><p> </p><p>at least both of them know the little shit is to be trusted. they both let out a laugh. they’ll be fine.</p><p> </p><p>“well then, let’s eat?” reo bore his eyes at nagi.</p><p> </p><p>“yeah, let’s go.” nagi said with a mellow smile.</p><p> </p><p>reo has all the time in the world to admire nagi’s gorgeous smile. and reo is more than eager to make sure that he’s the reason behind it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>fun fact i planned on ending it with a heartbroken reo and nagi inlove with isagi but i realized IM DONE WITH NAGIREO ANGST i just want them both to be two, happy boys inlove and being all cute so yep thats what i did. yes im saying that even if i made them suffer at the first part of the story. so if u reached this part ILY TY</p></blockquote></div></div>
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